I had my first very serious relationship in high school. I was in love. I had my first kiss. Life was splendid. That first relationship ended up moving back to their hometown- about 8,000 miles away. After that, I went through one more serious relationship that ended on good terms, and then between high school and my first year of college, I just went on lots of dates, never settling down or finding the ‘right one’. Eventually, toward the end of my second semester of college, I settled into my second really serious relationship that lasted eight months. We moved in together for about four months of our relationship. It was a whirlwind of emotion. Lots of ups and downs, but looking back, it was mostly downs. It was unhealthy, I was unhappy, and my mental and physical health spiraled downward because of it. After we ended things, I dated around again. Getting out of a really serious relationship and going straight into dating again is really hard. You go from telling someone you love them everyday, you’re used to that person and the things they like and their little attributes and niches that you only know about, to trying to get to know a brand new person all over again. I didn’t get into any serious relationships after that, but still had my heart broken a number of times. Dating can be very disappointing and takes a toll on you after a while. After one too many heart breaks, I found myself planning a trip to Australia. It was an amazing trip (Details to come in a later blog) and I thought I had fallen back in love with my highschool sweetheart. Unfortunately, that was not the case. After I came back home, we tried a long distance relationship that worked for about a month before the tyrant that is distance came in between us. I had planned to move to Australia so we could start a life together like we had planned when we were kids. However, we were just too different of people to be able to make things work and although I wanted nothing more than to make this love happen, you can’t force feelings, and sometimes people are just not good for you. That’s a lesson that’s taken a long time to learn.
I like to fix things and to fix people. I fall in love with broken people who aren’t beyond repair, but that I just can’t help. I’ve had to learn how to love myself again after being damaged by other people’s words and actions. I have been misused and mistreated and treated like nothing better than the dirt on the ground. I have given all my love to someone who did not and could not reciprocate. I’ve learned that before I can love someone, and help someone, I have to love myself, something that has been very hard for me. Relearning how to love and cherish my own self, and define my own self worth has not been easy, nor has it come immediately. It has taken patience, and the care of my family and close friends to remind me that there is so much more to me.
Sometimes, we have to stop and and remind ourselves that we matter, we are strong, important, valued, and loved. Although it may take a while, we have to learn to love again and to love ourselves properly and know our worth. I’ve talked about it, how to find and determine our worth. (Found HERE) Everyone, regardless of who you are, deserves love and happiness, and sometimes it just takes some time to learn how to get that for ourselves.
At the end of the day, when you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t. As my mom has always said, remember who you are. You are a valuable, royal, amazing person, and anyone who treats you otherwise is not worth your time or energy. When we can all start taking that to heart, our own hearts can start repairing.